Knees Shake
by DearJanuary
Summary: Eli didn't think years later he would be trying to figure things out between Clare and Imogen again.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi.

**please review**.

Down to earth, that's how Eli wanted to always be. He was starting to gain a small following as he had released an independent film a year and a half ago which created some serious buzz around major film festivals. He knew a great deal of the movie's success was due to the star power Don Cheadle led to the film and that it was co-written by his friend who had a handful of credits under her belt, but Eli was proud of directing work. He had assisted some of the greats for years after graduating NYU and felt that he had used what he learned proficiently. However, now people were aching for a sophomore film to follow his grand debut, the pressure was on and constantly rising. He had been given the green light and a budget for his own script, but now he had to actually do the work.

He had returned to his native Toronto specifically for that reason. It was business time and he had to scout locations and secure them first. Of course, this would be the time where his hired interns criminal record comes up and he can't cross the border into Canada. Eli tried to maintain composure though as the film student was taken away by security at La Guardian airport. He could do this on his own for the first day, until someone new came along as a replacement.

His lack of work help wasn't the only road block Eli had. He would never consider his daughter to be a hassle, little Sonya Goldsworhy was his precious treasure, but the one year old was not ideal for long hours, flights, and business meetings. He had promised to take her though and he was a man of his word.

The first thing he did once his bags were down in the furnished condo he was renting for his time in Canada was head to the boardwalk. It had always been a place he liked to walk around, sometimes take the ferry over to the islands, but he also thought it would make for the perfect backdrop during a few exterior scenes. The thought of the boats wading in the water alone inspired him to rewrite some dialogue. Eli carried Sonya, sleeping peacefully unlike on the plane ride over, in a blue Baby Bjorn over his shoulder and chest as he walked downtown. Surprisingly, the noise of honking taxi cabs in heavy traffic and the buzzing people moving in every direction didn't startle her in the slightest. A homeless woman screamed directly in Eli's clean shaven face, her cheesy monster breath washing over him, and Sonya didn't so much as stir.

The grass around the boardwalk was dead from the brutal winter that had just vacated the city. A starchy yellow in colour and brittle body left the blades rolled up and limp under his Nike shoes. He took a picture with his phone to use as a mental note that some landscaping would have to be done. His eyes fondly watched his sleeping girl, using the end of his black shirt's sleeve to wipe up the small hint of drool bubbling up from her puckered peach lips. There were some cons to having Sonya all to himself while out in Toronto, but it was nice moments like this, when it was just the two of them and she wasn't wailing away. From the moment he found out he was going to be a dad, he was eager to show his kin around his hometown. He would always favour Canada to the rest of the world and he wanted his child to know all about their northern roots.

Eli watched the water collect itself slowly below and breathed in it's foul scent. He could picture his two leading characters, though they had yet to be cast, saying goodbye to one another here, giving each other one final chance to change their fate. It would be perfect. As Eli's mind started to run wild with different creative ideas, his phone began to vibrate in the pocket of his black jeans, the feeling waking up Sonya, her brown eyes fighting themselves to open completely.

"Hello?!" He answered eagerly, hoping it was a new intern or any sort of work help. He didn't even bother to check the screen. Looking down, he greeted his daughter with a wide open mouth and goofy grinning eyes. Sure, anyone passing by would think he was deranged, but he imagined that Sonya liked it.

"Didn't someone say they were going to call me as soon as they landed?" On the other end of the phone, the voice was unmistakable. Clare Edwards, the reoccurring angel in his life, spoke sweetly like her smile was audible. He could hear the corners turning upward.

"Ah, you caught me." He had said that, hadn't he? "I just...uh..." He had no excuse, but he scanned his busy brain for one anyway.

"Daddy brain?" Clare suggested.

"Exactly." He sighed in agreement, looking down at the round Oreo eyes staring back up at him. "She is still not a happy flier." Sonya had been on more planes than some people decades older than her, but every take off and landing, she cried until Eli wanted to resort to tears himself.

"You're forgiven." After everything the two of them had been through, Clare could overlook this small flub. Besides, he hadn't been in Toronto for longer than two hours. He hadn't really screwed up. "What do you have planned for your first day back?" Sorting documents on her computer, Clare balanced the phone between her blazer clad shoulder and ear with ease. A talented multitasker, she could concentrate on both the phone and her work at once.

"Just cruising, getting our bearings. I should really be trying to find Sonya a sitter, I didn't have any luck over the week." Eli was unreasonably picky when it came to choosing the person responsible for his child while he was away working. He didn't think asking for perfection was too much.

"Your parents can't do it?" Clare asked, slightly surprised. She imagined most grandparents would rearrange everything for time with their grandchildren. Her mom was chomping at the bit for Clare to have babies for her to watch over.

"My mom said she could some days." Eli wasn't going to burden his parents. They had active lives too. "But I need someone who can work at a moment's notice for a while. I don't suppose you would be interested?" It was rhetorical. Eli knew how busy Clare was, a freelance journalist constantly hunting employment down with article after column after editorial.

"Some nights, sure. I'm writing for this blog right now, I know...don't laugh, so I actually have things to do throughout the day now besides hope for editors to call." She chuckled. It wasn't her dream gig, but she knew that she would get there some day. "Of course, I'll help you though. I'm dying to meet your new lady." She joked, wishing she had had the chance to meet Eli's baby. She had seen pictures through email, but it wasn't the same. She had fantasies about Eli as a dad since they first kissed in high school and now he actually was one.

"I'll take you up on that offer some time."

"What about tonight? I could pop in around 8. Would she still be up?"

"Maybe." Probably not. "But you can peer over her crib like I often do." He laughed, remembering then that this crib would be new to Sonya and he worried she wouldn't like it. He really needed her to get a good sleep tonight as he had meetings all day tomorrow. "And keep me company."

"You're on." She nearly said 'it's a date', but stopped herself. Had the Eli and Clare ship sailed? Never of them really knew, but their lives were so different now and they were never in the same place at the same time.

"Great." Eli grinned more than ecstatic that he was going to get to see one of his favourite people later. He couldn't wait to catch up with Clare as she was someone that he missed constantly.

"And hey, there's a place called ABC Nannies or 123 Nannies...give them a call. My friend uses them and says they're really great." Clare remembered. "I can even call if you'd like." She was a reporter, so to speak, she felt like she could dig up some good information for Eli. She always wanted to help him.

"Ah no, I'll call." He had to have full control over this task. "I may just find their offices and meet them. Thanks Clare, you're the best." He smiled. Suddenly. Sonya was reaching up with her little fingers and trying to pull on the neck of his black shirt. "As always. I'll see you tonight."

"See you." From ear to ear, she was grinning, unable to contain her excitement at all. It was a good thing she worked out of a home office and that Jenna, her room mate, wasn't home. Clare was on the verge of a serious chair dance.

Upon meeting with one of the women who held some major role at the ABC Nanny offices on King and Yonge, Eli wasn't filled with the usual bombastic anxiety he generally felt when interviewing potential sitters for his precious angel. He wasn't exactly settled and comfortable with the idea of someone that wasn't him watching over Sonya, but he was running out of time. If she spent any more time with him while he worked on his film, he would have to put her name in the credits. Eli was a nervous father before Sonya was even a tadpole in the womb. He was uneasy when she was left with her mother for any period of time or her grandparents or, really, anyone who was not him. He studied the baby books more than any text he had ever been assigned during his school days or any scene he was forced to view over and over again at NYU. He just needed to be able to control everything that happened with and to Sonya like she was one of his movie projects. Sonya's mother often pointed out that this would become a massive issue when Sonya was old enough to speak and think for herself.

Eli had specifically said in his emails that he needed the rented condo to be baby proofed. It was especially important since Sonya was very much a grabber these days, reaching and taking anything she could in her sticky fingers, and he was anticipating her to start walking on her own soon. Of course, the place was not at all to his standards. He stopped at the closest pharmacy and picked up a plastic basket full of latches for drawers, cupboards, and anything that could open and close, and ties for curtains and electrical cords, plugs for outlets, and padding to put on almost every piece of furniture in the place.

Pleasantly, Sonya bounced effortlessly on her toes while sitting in her jolly jumper in the entrance of the kitchen as Eli was crouched down in an uncomfortable position, prying packages open and struggling to make any process with the baby proofing. Sonya's mother had had the midwife help her with this in New York, but Eli foolishly figured it couldn't be that difficult at all. It wasn't just baby proof though, it seemed to be human proof. As Sonya gurgled happily, he threw his hair that was becoming a mop on his head back and looked at her with an unamused stare. It was hard not to smile back though. She had three of her fingers in her mouth, her brown hair up in a lopsided palm tree as Eli was a horrible hairdresser, and it sort of looked as if she was dancing to the Elvis Costello he had playing for background noise to drown out his curses.

"You like seeing Daddy struggle, huh?" He asked her rhetorically through grit teeth, going back to the instructions he had thrown out before.

Sonya just gurgled again before her attention was drawn to the left, where the front door was, a ringing sounding from it's clear direction. Eli sighed loudly at the interruption, but welcomed the break as he knew that he needed one. Climbing up to his feet, he moved strategically around dancing Sonya and wiped his hands on his jeans as if to wash them of all the distress he was feeling. He checked his pocket quickly, making sure he had his phone on him as it had a list of thirty four questions he had written down for the potential nanny.

Eli peered into the small peephole in the door, thinking he wouldn't even bother answering if the person looked as if they were packing heat or showed any signs of delirium. Generally, Eli was not the teensiest bit judgemental, but when it came to Sonya, a book could be judged solely by it's cover. It took him only two seconds of seeing the nanny on the otherwise of the door for Eli's mouth to tumble open.

"Imogen Moreno?!" He still couldn't believe it as he tossed the door open with real urgency. Her hair was up in a bun, more centred than usual, but just as quirky, and her glasses had been modified, but still were black rimmed and reminiscent of Buddy Holly.

"That was exactly the reaction I was hoping for!" Imogen laughed, her smile taking over the circumference of her face as she lunged forward to throw her arms around his neck. "It's been ages!" She hummed against his face.

"Too long." Eli replied, nodding as his hands slowly found a place to rest on her back. She smelled the same even if she was so much more grown up than when he saw her last.

"I blame you, Mr. Hollywood. All busy with your new found fame." As Imogen pulled away from him, she playfully slapped his shoulder. He was about to correct her, tell her he resided in a cool neighbourhood in New York, but her gaze was over his shoulder now. Her eyes dilating as she squealed. Eli looked behind him and knew exactly what Imogen was getting so excited about it. He stepped aside and let her rush over to Sonya, closing the door as soon as Imogen was in. "You must be little Sonya Goldsworthy." On the hardwood floor, Imogen gathered in her knees next to the jolly jumper and stared at Eli's daughter, the two girls equally fascinated with one another. Sonya's wet fingers left her mouth to reach out for Imogen's glasses. Simply, Imogen just laughed and let her take them off.

"She's going to put those in her mouth, you know." Eli warned, standing and watching the two brunettes.

"That's okay." Imogen shrugged. "They're pretty sanitary." She took pretty good care of her eyewear. "It looks like she is donning a Fiona Coyne original." Imogen stood up to join a Eli, nodding at the little maroon ensemble Sonya had on.

"It is." Eli nodded in agreement. He was fortunate enough to get to see his fashionable friend out in New York. "Fiona has never mentioned that you're a nanny." He scratched at the back of his head, wondering why.

"Well, I'm not." She was quick to explain as Eli reached down to retrieve his daughter. He carefully snatched the glasses out of her fingers and lips, wiping them on his own black shirt before handing them back to Imogen. "You know I temp." She said as if it was nothing and put the glasses over her bright brown bulbs. While so many of her friends had figured out their dreams post school, Imogen floated between talents and aspirations. There were so many things she wanted to do so while she taught an art class on weekends, she also dabbled in dog walking, nannying, maid services, mural painting, and clerical work. She just liked to keep busy,

It had been just over a year since Eli and Imogen spoke. She called him after reading a pregnancy announcement about his baby mama online and the two ended up chatting into the wee hours about their lives. He just assumed she would have settled into a profession by now.

"So my boss at the agency said you want to interrogate me..." Imogen moved along. She slipped her fringe shoulder bag off of her shoulder to get more comfortable, poking Sonya's small protruding belly with her index finger as she did. "So, shall we? Actually, no, I have a question..." Imogen helped herself further into the house, lying her bag down on a dining room chair before going to stare longingly at the view, evening Toronto lit up by lamp posts, headlights, and the chandeliers inside surrounding apartments.

Eli rocked his daughter in his arms, one hand under her bum while the other smoothed up and down her backside soothingly. It was her bed time, surely, but since their day had been so busy and unorganized she hadn't shown any signs of sleepiness until now. Her dark eyes were fighting to stay open, long lashes slipping up and down, her head wobbling onto Eli's shoulder.

"Hold that thought, just a minute..." Eli knew he had exactly five seconds before she exploded. He gave Imogen an apologetic smile before heading down the hall. He hadn't even made it into the bedroom before Sonya began to wail, her exhaustion winning. Eli rocked her impatiently as he stepped around two boxes and a small suitcase to get her to her change table.

He was a hands on dad, proudly, but he had never only had his hands to work with before. Usually, Sonya's mom was around or an assistant or friend of some kind. He struggled to get his daughter out of the confines of her little sweatsuit, personalized with her initials stitched on the ankles. As soon as he had her dirty diaper off of her little bum, the crying began to die down. He imagined he would be upset too if he was tired and living in his own urine, no matter how fresh it was. He cleaned her up, getting his entire shirt covered in baby powder, and slipped her into a pair of turtle pyjamas since they were the first thing he saw in the suitcase on the floor.

Eli whispered a soft 'I love you' to her and laid her down in the crib, her eyes almost completely shut and absorbing the darkness. He cranked the weather themed mobile attached to the crib and started to creep away. He smiled at Imogen leaning against the open door. It took all her self control not to take a video or picture of the cuteness she had been watching.

"Goodnight Sonny." She whispered into the room before stepping out, so Eli could begin to close the door halfway behind them.

"I usually read something to her...but..." He explained, wiping at the white powder on his chest with both hands.

"I'm not judging." Imogen judged almost every parent she met while working, but she was going to give Eli the benefit of the doubt this time around. After all, he was brand new to Toronto again and on his own.

"So, where were we?" He asked returning to the living room. "You look great by the way. I can't believe it." Eli grinned, his head moving back as he looked her over again. She was always a beauty queen all her own, but every time he saw her, he had to wrap his head around how she was human all over again.

"You can't believe it?" Imogen chuckled, but she was unsure of if she should have been more insulted. "You look good, too. Even with the dark circles under your eyes and baby powder all over you." She reached forward and tried brushing off the dust. The shirt needed a good soak though. Imogen opened her mouth to ask Eli her question, eager to set up her nanny schedule, when the buzzer sounded by the door. Imogen had been lucky and came into the condominium right as a tenant was going out.

Eli held up a finger as if to tell Imogen to wait just one more moment and jogged into the kitchen to answer the buzz. He didn't want Sonya to be woken up when he had just laid her down.

"Hello?"

"Front desk, Mr. Goldsworthy. There is a Clare Edwards here to see you."

Eli glanced at the digital clock on the stove, noting that it was only seven thirty. Of course Clsre would be early.

"Uh, yep, send her up." He agreed and slid his hands into the pocket of his jeans. He knew that as soon as he walked back into the living area he would find Imogen wearing an amused expression, glossy know-it-all grin and gleaming eyes. "Imogen..." Eli walked closer and closer to her. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"You haven't even been in town for twenty four hours and already you two are canoodling!" She exclaimed with a dramatic shake of her head. "Eclare lives." She hummed.

"It's not like that." Eli rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation. "I'm as friendly with her as I am with you."

"I'm sure you two keep in better touch," Kindly and correctly, Imogen argued. "You didn't even know I was a nanny."

"You temp." He reminded her, using the same word she had earlier. "Don't you and Clare ever run into each other?" He asked, hoping things wouldn't be weird if the three of them were together for a moment.

"Toronto is a big city." Imogen told him instead of just a simple 'no', it wasn't like Imogen and Clare had really even been friends in high school. She could think of many instances where they passed by each other in the hallways and didn't even nod in acknowledgement of one another.

"Knock-knock." Clare's voice sounded like a trespassing loud speaker to Imogen though she really spoke at a normal volume, her head popping in the front door.

"Clare!" Eli threw his arms out to both sides and greeted her almost in song. He fled from Imogen's side and held Clare in an enormous hug as she made it through the doorway. A bottle of Merlot hanging in her hand pressed against his back as she enveloped him back.

"I didn't want to actually knock and risk waking the baby." She whispered as he finally let her go.

"No worries. Just got her down." Eli explained, checking out Clare's form fitting blouse to make sure he hadn't accidentally put any baby powder on it. "You can come and meet her though anyway." Eli had wanted the two ladies to meet since Sonya came into the world.

Clare scurried to get her work kitten heels off of her feet and her leather work case onto the ground, but she wanted to gather all her things back when she spotted Imogen, all bones and glasses standing stray in the middle of Eli's living room.

"Oh, hi Imogen..." She slowly formed the words, putting the bottle of wine down by her shoes. "Eli didn't mention you would be here."

Suddenly Imogen felt like she was back in high school, backstage and waiting for her cues for Eli's Love Roulette disaster of a show. She was forever Clare's understudy or that was how it had felt when she was a teenager.

"I'm just the nanny." Imogen excused. "I really just came for a briefing on Sonya." It was the reason Imogen was sent there really, she had just been so excited to see Eli again. She had some bizarre fantasy that the adult versions of herself and Eli would get on even better than their teenage selves had. "You can just email information to me. Let me know when I need to be here tomorrow." Imogen took her bag in both hands, taking out a indigo business card from the inside pocket and handing it to Eli.

"Imogen is your nanny?" Puzzled, Clare checked with Eli.

"Not my nanny," Eli shook his head, trying to give both his ex girlfriends equal eye contact at once. "Sonya's."

"I said I could watch her in the evenings." Clare reminded him.

"That leaves morning and afternoons." Imogen had already walked past both Eli and Clare, her bag over her shoulder and hands fixing her round bun as she headed to the door. She would have time to catch up with Eli later she figured. They would be seeing each other often while he was in town now.

"Where is Sonya's mother?" Clare asked the question that Imogen and some others were white curious about. Imogen stood at the door, her back to them, waiting for an answer.  
Eli feared things would become complicated if he came back to Toronto and tried to revisit his old life. While so much had happened in everybody's life, they somehow were right back where they had been before. They still all meant too much to each other. There had always been a lack of boundaries in his friendships with Imogen and with Clare.

"Mickey is on location." He grumbled. It wasn't ideal, but she had been contractually bonded to her project years before Sonya was conceived.

"To Mars? Why couldn't she bring Sonya?" Clare didn't mean to sound so judgemental. She just couldn't fathom a mother wanting to be away from their baby for months at a time. She also didn't think it was fair that Eli was stuck with all the responsibility. Eli and Sonya's mother's relationship and set up made zero sense to her from the get go.

"To the Congo. She is doing a documentary." Eli didn't understand how this was at all relevant to the girls. "Surely, you can both understand why I wouldn't want my kid there." He didn't have to be looking at Imogen's face to know she was curiously listening.

"I think this just further proves why you shouldn't have a kid with your friend." Clare mentioned before wishing she could rewind completely. This was not at all what she had in mind for her first night hanging out with Eli again. They were supposed to be laughing, swapping stories, complimenting each other on the lives they were making, and drinking wine until they were making out on his rental couch. Instead, she was passing judgement like they were still high school sweethearts and her opinion mattered.

"I think it's romantic!" Spinning around, Imogen rebutted. She had heard through Fiona about Eli and indie actress Mickey St. Louis's arrangement. They had met on set of the drama _Two Tales of Mooney _where Eli was the second assistant director and she was playing the middle Mooney child. The two artists struck up a fast friendship, Eli adoring that she had Clare's ambition and Imogen's outspokenness. It didn't hurt that Mickey was unattainable attractive. They were friends with benefits until either of them met someone they were really interested in. Of course, Mickey realized she was pregnant while Eli was on a first date with someone else. After that revelation, they decided to tell the press they had dated briefly and would remain friends while raising the baby. Like half of the world, Imogen thought it was modern and sweet and, like the other half, Clare thought it was senseless.

"Okay, um, Imogen, I'll see you at 9? Is that too early?" Eli really couldn't go much later. He reached out his hand and grasped the air in front of him as if he was trying to suffocate the newly developed tension in the condo.

"That's fine." She vigorously nodded, making a mental note. "Til when? Just because I have to organize another job..." Clare was a serious writer in Imogen's mind and she felt a little timid to admit in front of her that she was merely a temp. Even if it usually wasn't something that bothered her.

"Nine?" He guessed. Eli liked to work til as late as possible. "Well, I could bring some stuff home. I will have to be out some evenings..."

The hesitance on Imogen's face was obvious.

"I can come here at five and let you off Imogen. That's fine." Clare announced, surprised to find Eli's eyes looking so stunned at her offer. "It's not a problem." She was just a a capable as Imogen was to look after a one year old. Clare longed to be a mom as it was.

"Okay well then it's settled." Imogen finally took the door knob in her hand and started to exit. "Bye." She waved to them both, noticing Clare's quick wave as a Eli rushed over to the door to see her out properly.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Immy." Softly, he said to her. "Sorry we couldn't really talk."

Once Imogen was gone, Eli watched Clare in his living room. She was looking over the bare walls and tapping a finger to her round chin.

"I can't handle the blank space." He laughed, coming up behind her. "I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm going to have to do something about the walls."

Turning around, Clare just watched him with lustful eyes in response. The two of them had enough drama in their relationship to pen a somber and epic romantic drama for the big screen, but no matter what happened, Clare would always be wonderfully mystified by Eli. She hoped that he had lingering feelings for her too. It always seemed in their emails and long phone calls that he did, but he was a father now and their lives were very different.

"Can I meet your girl now?" Clare asked, happy to be talking about an infant and not another woman.

"Yes, please." Eli agreed. "And then wine." He laughed and quickly moved down the hall, leading Clare quietly into the dark room. The mobile was still turning, ever so slowly, and lying on her back with the side of her face squished into her one hand while the other was underneath a stuffed miniature bear.

"Oh my Gosh." In a hush, Clare exclaimed as she peered over the crib's edge. "So little. She's like a tiny you." She told Eli, biting down on the middle of her bottom lip. Eli tried not to laugh, focusing his attention on Sonya. Foolishly, he prayed this would be the night she slept through completely.

"Clare, I know you don't agree with Sonya's mom and my...whatever it is.." He began. "But I'm really happy. I've never been this happy." He assured her, his words sounding as serious and sincere as they were. Clare held his stare and just nodded, believing him. "This is exactly how it's supposed to be happening." He pulled his look away and reached down into the crib, running the back of his hand against her head, making sure she wasn't too warm or too cold.

"She's so sweet." Clare kept whispering even though they had left the room.

"Well, you met her while she is asleep. When she is awake, she is a bit devious." Eli laughed, heading to where Clare had left the wine bottle.

"Ah, I've read her mother can be that way." Clare added, following him into the kitchen and leaning against the wooden island as he searched for a corkscrew.

"You read tabloids?" Eli eyed her with a brow raised. "You know what I don't want to talk about her, I want to talk about you." Smugly, he smiled. He found the tool he was looking for and opened the bottle loudly before pouring them both a glass. "I've really missed you, Clare." He admitted, handing her a wine glass before throwing back a sip from his, ignoring the baby proof instructions by his feet and paying all attention to Clare.


End file.
